Wednesday, April 2, 2008

sacred church of the ancient mysteries

We can and will do anything to ease your mind, comfort your tired soul and ensure the well-being of your body and our bank account. We cannot guarantee eternal bliss, but we can guarantee five minutes of heaven on earth. Wishes? Dreams? Problems? Regrets? Desires both ordinary and insegrievious? SCAM solves all.
Please contact us at any time to arrange membership. Accolytes, priests, high priests and other rankings are available for a small surcharge above the usual membership dues. Priestly vestments are custom made to meet YOUR particular needs.
We have no physical church as we believe you can worship anywhere, provided that place has previously been annointed with holy water ($4.95 per beaker [2 oz] plus applicable shipping and handling charges. Order 6 or more and s/h is included)
We accept donations through Paypal, although cash is also accepted as are plates of hot latkes and bottles of cold champagne.
Thank you for your support.
And remember, with SCAM all things are possible.
Special consideration given to repentent pond scum.

3 comments:

Anonymous said...

Ha! Very good! Makes me wish I was more gullible! Which, reminds me of my favorite, never-used pick-up line, "The way you smoke that cigarette makes wish I was a bad habit."

(By the way, there's a typo in your masthead.)

- Ron (JR)

candoor said...

i've been called a word whore many times by literate people, but i usually prefer babbler because i like illiterate people seem to enjoy being misunderstood by those same literate people cuz i mock knowing and love the unknown and people who think they know are amusing to me...

sometimes i just write for the love of words and have nothing to say and sometimes i say nothing at all while writing with the intent to say something profound...

meaning is in the mind or the reader...

your daily dingo amuses me, and one of them has a special meaning for me because i thought it long before i read it, but my insatiable ego will not let me mention which one...

is typing for hours and hours just to read yourself think the same as talking to yourself and if notm why not, and if so, why isn't it as frowned upon as talking to yourself and are either the same as loving yourself, i mean literarily?...

i've been known to make up words...

so hello, now that i'm here, let me introduce myself... then again, i have a lot to do to prepare for a busy day tomorrow and i need sleep, so remind me to introduce myself next time if you want me to introduce myself (or you could find several thousand pages of introduction online somewhere... it's out there, linked randomly in random places)...

for now, i thank you for the amusement and wish you a wonderful night :)

winged unicorn said...

well thank you for your input darling. we will carefully consider all that you said. remember, for only 4.95 you can have beaker of holy water, filled by MOI personally. oui, MOI!!!
please leave a contact point and i will get back to you. merci beaucoup, mon ami.